I think sex is so gross like I see porn gifs sometimes and it just sickens me and I don’t have any desire to try anything. I feel bad that I can’t even be a girlfriend who would have sex just to make the other person happy; it’s just not gonna happen

I’ve tried masturbating before and it makes me kinda sick and I don’t like it but I can kind of get aroused in a sense when I look at porn and I used to think it was because I was sexual but now I think it’s because of the closeness
I crave the feeling that people get when they have sex.
it’s like that kind of closeness and sensuality and trust you feel with another person that you can only get by giving yourself completely to someone else. I want that so badly but I can’t do that
I can’t even be an asexual that has sex to make their partner happy because I just can’t do it it makes me so unhappy and uncomfortable

I wouldn’t choose to be asexual if I had the choice
I see all these pictures and gifs of couples having sex or doing sexual things and I have a longing for it
Not a longing for the sexual part but for the closeness
I don’t know how I’m ever going to find anyone who will want to be with me when I don’t want the most basic human need